slipjig3: (Default)
slipjig3 ([personal profile] slipjig3) wrote2005-02-21 12:10 pm

Tennessee Chronicles, Vol. I: Pedal, meet metal

A series of thoughts on the drive from Glens Falls, NY to Knoxville, TN in one day, solo:

1) Yes, scheduling a three-hour stretch before the first bathroom break to save time is a good plan. But if you're going to do that, stopping for a Sausage 'n' Egg McGriddle before even getting on the interstate is a bad plan.

2) Pardon mon Franglais, but they should just rename Binghamton, New York "Clusterfuck Grande" and be done with it.

3) I have a nagging nightmare about standing on a high, high peak, and looking around at nothing but big-box stores and strip malls as far as the eye can see. I now give my nightmare a name: Wilkes Barre, Pennsylvania.

4) How punchy was I getting? I crossed most of Pennsylvania screaming "Frackville!" like a fallen prophet, then giggling hysterically. (Relax. I wasn't armed.)

5) We now have the results of the Pennsylvania Sightseeing Bowl: Massage Parlor Billboards remained tied with Inmate Work Crews at two apiece, but won in sudden-death overtime when the referees decreed that the 24-hour adult warehouse sign counted.

6) FYI: you can actually smell the Pennsylvania-Maryland border.

7) Dear Caffeinated Morlock Driver (that would be me): If you'd actually looked at that map you bought, Spudnoggin, then you wouldn't have given yourself a heaving panic attack when you saw the "Welcome to West Virginia" sign. (Again, not armed.)

8) As a helpful hint to other prospective solo I-81 drivers, I can honestly say that Henry Rollins spoken word CDs are perhaps the only way to survive Virginia. I say this because, right hand to Hera, you will be driving past the same mountain for hours.

9) After 12 hours of driving, one cannot be sure if the 40-foot guitar across the highway from the Tennessee welcome center is any more real and substantial than the eleven Tanqueray-swilling hobgoblin manicurists in mambo pants singing "Don't Sleep in the Subway, Darling" in the back seat. I'm still not sure.

10) Truckers. Looooooooots of truckers. Wowsers...

Believe it or not, though, I decided that I actually enjoy long road trips. The best part, though? The hug on arrival. Oh, yes.

[identity profile] shadesong.livejournal.com 2005-02-21 09:46 am (UTC)(link)
I *heart* you. You think like I think. Which is mildly terrifying.

I crossed most of Pennsylvania screaming "Frackville!" like a fallen prophet, then giggling hysterically.

I've done this. Not PA and Frackville, but otherwise - yes, I have done this.

You may commence pitying Adam for having to live with me now... :)

[identity profile] cyan-blue.livejournal.com 2005-02-21 11:03 am (UTC)(link)
Winnemucca!

[identity profile] slipjig.livejournal.com 2005-02-23 09:05 pm (UTC)(link)
You think like I think. Which is mildly terrifying.

Oh, ye golden gravy. The world does not need two, thank you. *grin*

[identity profile] spoothbrush.livejournal.com 2005-02-21 10:07 am (UTC)(link)
Awww, you took the 88-81 interchange where I live! Trust me, you didn't go through the difficult bits.

I plan to never go back to Western Virginia. I made this plan in 1995 and it has served me well for nearly 10 years.

[identity profile] slipjig.livejournal.com 2005-02-23 09:05 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm sorry; it was very last minute, and a not-a-moment-to-spare thing. (Besides, I cruised through at something like 7 a.m., so...)

Frackville!!!

[identity profile] rubian77.livejournal.com 2005-02-21 10:23 am (UTC)(link)
Hey! I live near Frackville.

They's crazy up dere.

Re: Frackville!!!

[identity profile] slipjig.livejournal.com 2005-02-23 09:06 pm (UTC)(link)
No kidding? Well, that's not too bad a drive at all. And now we know where to find you. *evil grin*

Re: Frackville!!!

[identity profile] rubian77.livejournal.com 2005-02-24 05:10 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah, I'm about an hour away from Frackville; you can just take route 61 right into Shamokin.

[identity profile] felisdemens.livejournal.com 2005-02-21 10:50 am (UTC)(link)
Hee! I spent a year and a half driving 88-81 to Virginia every couple of weeks. I have many alarming memories of that drive.

My ex has the topper, though - he got hit by lightning (well,the car did) in the mountains just outside Wilkes-Barre.

[identity profile] slipjig.livejournal.com 2005-02-23 09:07 pm (UTC)(link)
*blink*

Yep, that wins. (Yikes!)

Re: long drive

[identity profile] wolfieboy.livejournal.com 2005-02-21 12:51 pm (UTC)(link)
This sounds like my 12–14 hour weekend drives from DC to Chicago.

Then again, one of the few times that I drove in a southerly direction, I started looking for fuel at half-a-tank and ran out in the foothills of Eastern SC. If I'd made it to the very next exit, I would've hit the recently opened 24 hr Shell. Thank you, AAA for the late night rescue.

Re: long drive

[identity profile] slipjig.livejournal.com 2005-02-23 09:08 pm (UTC)(link)
Hey, I know that trip! We used to live in Alexandria, VA when I was a wee one, and we'd regularly go visit our home and family in the Chicago suburbs. We always went northish, though—many memories of turnpikes and endless Howard Johnson's.