State of Team Venture

So, is it true that a mullet makes everything funnier? Furthermore, is bad coffee truly one of America's most important sacraments?

If you think the posts are weird, you should hear the damn conversations.

Anyroad. We've successfully crossed the midnight line, transitioning into Sunday, and I'm waiting for the proverbial second wind to kick in. I have the feeling that it's going to be a long wait. yendi has fired up the coffeepot again, much to everyone's collective relief. pseydtonne is regaling us with stories about the Dismemberment Plan and anything else that may help keep us going. excursively is holding court on the couch. wired_lizard and shadesong have vanished into the living room, where the effective air conditioning is hiding. And mllelaurel and rafaela are keepin' on keepin' on, from what I can see. Oh, and the painter has arrived!

And me? I'm living as best I can, typing what I can dredge from my cerebral cortex. Life, in its own way, is good.


Blogathon 2007
In support of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society
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Current pledge total: $321.59

When in doubt, post more stories of whacked-out callers at work

A sizable portion of my job as a call completions operator, sadly, is dealing with horribly irate people. They are irate because of something to do with their phone service, or their bill, or something to that effect, so they call the only phone company number they know (that would be "0") and scream at the top of their lungs in complete ignorance of the fact that, no, this is not the department you need. Because, well, we're the phone company, aren't we? We should fix it! What do you MEAN you can't fix it, operator?! This company is horrible!

So one day, I answer the phone with my customary "May I help you?" And instantly, I heard the screaming of an elderly woman, drilling holes in my right eardrum.

"YES, YOU CAN HELP ME! I CAN'T GET THROUGH TO THE OPERATOR!"

My brow furrowed, confused. "Ma'am," I said, conciliatory, "this is the operator."

"Oh." She paused a moment. "Never mind." And hung up.


Blogathon 2007
In support of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society
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Current pledge total: $321.59

Every pet I have ever had, including peripheral ownership

* Kimmy, an evil black dog. I don't much remember her, except for the evil.
* Ichabod, a parrot. I remember him a bit better. He was given away to family friends, and basically lived forever.
* Claudius, a guinea pig. Lasted about two weeks before we discovered Mom was allergic to him.
* A looooong chain of short-lived goldfish.
* Salt and Pepper, brother and sister cats. Yes, my sister and I named them ourselves.
* Opalina, ex-wife Lauren's cat. Found as a stray, probably is with Lauren to this day.
* Juniper, other ex-wife's cat. Is currently roughly 467 years old.
* Mookie, Shadow and Hershey, the rest of the gang of cats at the ex-inlaws' house. Fat, complacent and happy.
* Sunny and Lucy, the two current meow-beasties. Currently holding us hostage.

I am not including the giant mutant guinea pigs that Abbey and Nik have, named Clover, Sam and Chelsea.


Blogathon 2007
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Monkey Drummer

It's late enough (or early enough, depending on your view) for me to start posting short films by designated twisted freak Chris Cunningham:

Monkey Drummer

That...yeah. Not responsible for brains melting down to slag.

Long night. Long night, indeed.


Blogathon 2007
In support of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society
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Current pledge total: $321.59

This is guest blogger 'song! Sponsor Adam, for he is cute and deserving!

Thank you.

*bow*

Adventures

pseydtonne has suggested the following: "Write about the last time you ended up on an adventure, on what should have been an ordinary day."

An excellent suggestion; unfortunately, the problem is that I can't think of one. The times I end up on unplanned adventures, usually, are the major disasters, like when I blew a tire rim in the middle of nowhere, and didn't discover that I'd lost my debit card until I went to pay for the repairs. Frankly, these are not times that I want to write about just now.

Although truth be told, rafaela have been known to go adventuring from time to time. "Let's not go home just yet," she'll say, and then we pick a direction: north and south are easy, because they follow I-87, but east and west can be more interesting. East, in particular, made for quite a little detour the one time we tried it, because it was nothing but rolling Adirondack farmland. Hint: when Kingsbury begins to seem like civilization, you've gone too far.

One of these days, I would love to go on a completely destinationless vacation. Just load a week's worth of clothes in the trunk, hop behind the wheel and drive until something interesting turns up. I lack the resources (and frankly, the nerve), but there's part of me that loves to wander, as long as I can make it home at the end.


Blogathon 2007
In support of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society
Sponsor me!
Current pledge total: $321.59

General updatage

We have officially reached the witching hour, the time when I am expecting no further pledges, at least not until morning, when the sane people rise again. It's likely a good time to recap what's going on:

I am in the waning hours of Blogathon, a 24-hour charity event wherein I post every half-hour and (hopefully) fail to pass out. I am doing this in the hopes of earning pledges for my chosen charity, the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. As an incentive, I have vowed to create a personalized puzzle of the receiver's choice for everyone who pledges. (*looks at pledge count* *realizes that he has to write 20+ puzzles now* *holds head in fear*)

Thank you again to everyone who has donated, and to everyone who has been helping all of us Blogathonners slog through, be it from here or from abroad. This wouldn't even be remotely possible without you all. Love you all!


Blogathon 2007
In support of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society
Sponsor me!
Current pledge total: $321.59

Three recent discoveries

1) If you make a conscious decision at work that you are going to call the next customer who deserves it a "douche-nozzle," you will have no further deserving customers that day.

2) Not only did Top Chef vote off Lia, my eye candy for the season, but the website for the show uses the word "cheftestants" without irony.

3) As charming as a talking Simpsons kid's meal toy may be, it ceases to be charming after the button's 5,000th application in the back seat.


Blogathon 2007
In support of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society
Sponsor me!
Current pledge total: $321.59

No General Tso's chicken?

shadesong just handed out fortune cookies, with the usual instructions to append the words, "in bed" to the end.

My fortune? "The best angle from which to approach any problem is the TRYangle."

Oo! I got a good one!


Blogathon 2007
In support of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society
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Current pledge total: $321.59

Having a haiku moment

zarhooie ('thonning under the nom de blog llama_go_mooo) called to announce a "Haiku Power Hour" quite a while ago, but I already had some post ideas lined up, and this is a bad time for me to scramble plans because it may take my brain with it. But better late than never, eh?

I have no brain cells
Remaining, and I'm doubting
That I'll get them back.

Blogathon: good cause,
Good charitable resource,
And yet? Really dumb.

Four in the morning
Makes it hard to concentrate,
What with all the elves.

Boing boing boing boing boing,
Fleeble dweeble binky boink;
Or is it just me?


Blogathon 2007
In support of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society
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Current pledge total: $321.59

Fork!

The following is excerpted from The Lemmings Encyclopedia, the ongoing project to document life in Champaign-Urbana among the malcontents between roughly 1988 and 1995:

Fork call: The deliberate act of interrupting an amorous moment, usually by calling the romantic couple on the phone, yelling “Fork!” and hanging up. This practice’s earliest beginnings stemmed from a story told by Lauren Leach concerning Warren Tresivant, who once watched a sleeping friend sit up, yell “fork” for no apparent reason, and return to sleep. The first official fork call took place in autumn 1990, when Adam Fromm called his own ISR dorm room (Grand Central) from the building’s lobby for the sole purpose of yelling “Fork!” (in reference to the above story) to Lauren and Bryan Jonker, who were waiting for him. Unbeknownst to Adam, he called in time to interrupt a kiss between the two that had already been interrupted—not once, but twice—by separate calls from Tony Stuckey. Moments later, Adam had his own door slammed in his face, but the fork call practice caught on.

Later, the fork call evolved into the more subtle practice of taping a fork to someone’s front door. (Bryan had a continuous supply of stolen flatware from his job at the ISR cafeteria for this purpose.) The delivery of forks grew more and more complex over time, peaking with the appearance of a fork inside Lauren’s locked apartment mailbox. Bryan accomplished this with Lauren’s own mailbox key which Adam had secretly “borrowed,” but Lauren was baffled; before Bryan and Adam fessed up, she had decided that Amy Decker had figured out how to pick locks.


Blogathon 2007
In support of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society
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Current pledge total: still $321.59

Dangle the ears and strap on the skates!

Sing along, now:

Here's the mail, it never fails
It makes me wanna wag my tail
When it comes, I wanna wail:
"Maaaaiiiilllll!"

Or, if you're from, say, my generation:

My brother's mother is my mother, too
And my other brother's mother is my mother, too
And if I had another brother
He would call my mother, "Mother"
But my mother still would be
My mother too!

Oo, I'm on a roll! Let's see if I can remember more:

Do you think it's silly
To run willy-nilly
When a lollipop follows you?
When a big yellow lollipop
Golly!
Follows you!

Ahhh, pointless nostalgia!


Blogathon 2007
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Current pledge total: $361.59
Thank you a gazillion times to amalthya!

Since the webcam isn't functioning....

Top 10 Team Venture Activities for Staying Awake

1) Coffee, via IV drip if necessary
2) Singing Christmas carols, replacing every syllable with the word "porn"
3) Place Frank the Rubber Chicken on or near our heads
4) Trying to see what rock and techno hits are suitable for belly-dancing
5) Trying to find an available outlet for the electric fan
6) Did I mention the coffee?
7) Giving each other topic suggestions for posts when we're coming up blank (most popular: "Porn!")
8) Getting up, wandering around like drunken sailors on shore leave, then sitting down again
9) Discussing popular pedantic subjects
10) I think I need coffee. Excuse me....


Blogathon 2007
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Current pledge total: $361.59

Hey! How's about another list?

Adam's 5 Favorite Cities:

1) Chicago: Have to go with the home town, the city I know better than any other large burg. One of my favorite spots in the world: the bridge over the Chicago River on Michigan Avenue, near the Tribune Building.

2) San Francisco: The only city with the potential to make me forget about Chicago. The friendliest city I've ever been in, and the best I have ever eaten, ever. Between a pub just off the cable cars and nearby Napa Valley, I learned to like alcohol there.

3) Boston: I'm so falling in love with it. 'Nuff said.

4) Kansas City: Surprisingly charming town. Haven't been back in quite a while, and really should.

5) Burlington, VT: Does this even count? By Vermont standards, absolutely. Street performers, hippies, hippy street performers. We went on Halloween, and were approached by a group of college students with a bunch of candy. "We're reverse trick-or-treating," they said. "Would you like some candy?" Yeah.


Blogathon 2007
In support of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society
Sponsor me!
Current pledge total: $361.59

Crosswords and strings

sionainn asked me five questions. I have the mental energy for two.

What is the strangest word you've ever managed to get into a crossword?

Hm. Well, for a variety crossword, which has somewhat laxer rules, I'd have to go with RATSO RIZZO. For a conventional American crossword, I recently managed to work in SQUARE PEGS and WINE BOTTLE into the same corner. (On the other hand, I'm remembering a recent puzzle I was working on, wherein I said, "Y'know, if the editor would just accept TWAT, this puzzle would be done by now.")

If you were suddenly granted amazing musical talent on any instrument in the world, what would it be and why?

Oooo, tricky. I'd probably go with something stringed, perhaps on the obscure side. Irish-style bouzouki, maybe?

Just took a blitz shower, which may be the only thing that's keeping me going. Not as exhausted as I thought I'd be, but the brain has still shorted out, I fear.


Blogathon 2007
In support of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society
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Current pledge total: $361.59

A new list! A new list!

Top 10 One-Hit Wonders of All Time

1) "Closing Time," Semisonic
2) "Twist in My Sobriety," Tanita Tikaram
3) "One Toke Over the Line," Brewer and Shipley
4) "Stuck in the Middle With You," Stealer's Wheel
5) "I Had Too Much to dream Last Night," The Electric Prunes
6) "Those Were the Days," Mary Hopkin
7) "Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth With Money in My Hand," Primitive Radio Gods
8) "Baby Got Back," Sir Mix-A-Lot
9) "War," Edwin Starr
10) "

Dammit, I got stuck. It's getting too close to the end. *dies*


Blogathon 2007
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Current pledge total: $361.59

Funny, that

A most peculiar time, this Blogathon. So much, much better than last year. This was the Nightmare Hour last time around, when I was dragging my sorry mortal flesh about like so much Spam. This year, though? Downright chipper, dare I say. And strangely comfortable.

I'd tell stories if I had the energy, or the ability to parse sentences correctly.

The shower was probably my best idea of the last three hours.

Almost there, almost there....


Blogathon 2007
In support of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society
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Current pledge total: $361.59

And now?

Frank the Rubber Chicken is MOCKING ME. Mocking me, I say. Damned dime store novelty.

My current life goal? A horizontal position.

One hour. One hour to go. I can do this. I may be doing it subliminally, but I can do it.

Adam has left his computer logged in again. Ha!

EDIT: I disown that last sentence. Dammit, dammit, dammit....


Blogathon 2007
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The home stretch

I'm giving up on content. I've been a good boy so far, I'm almost done, so now I'm going to punt.

In the meantime, here's a triangle solo for your entertainment:

*ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *ting*

Thank you.

P.S. I've been asked to make a correction on my earlier pet post: Mookie is actually Kristi's cat, although he was in her parent's custody for a time. Furthermore, he is, in fact, the old-timer (age 17 to Juniper's 13). I post this as an apology to the offended meowing critters. Thank you.


Blogathon 2007
In support of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society
Sponsor me!
Current pledge total: $361.59

The end

That's it, folks.

With your help, ESPECIALLY an amazingly, jaw-droppingly generous last minute donation from Bill Chadwick (Thankyouthankyouthankyou! I'm speechless!),we've raised $461.59 for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society! You all are wonderful! I can't thank you enough!

And a thousand thank-yous to my fellow members of Team Venture: rafaela, shadesong, mllelaurel and wired_lizard, lovely women all. And a thousand more thank-yous to the loyal support crew: mirrored_echo, mgrasso, excursively, pseydtonne, marmota, annnnnd am I forgetting anyone? And finally, thanks to everyone who has slogged it out from afar and cheered us on (and donated!), too many to name, but I'll be thanking you individually. Without y'all, this would have been impossible. You rule all known universes, guys.

And now? Bed. G'night, all.

(Not to late to sponsor, though: Sponsor me!

In as few words as possible

Home.

Done.

Bed.

Updates tomorrow.

G'night.