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Remind me how this works again
Nov. 1st, 2014 04:16 pmI haven't been posting. Not here, not anywhere.
That's not completely true—the Indiegogo campaign for Murder Ballads sent me into huckster mode for two solid months back there—but it's true enough: I haven't been reaching out. I won't go into the usual list of reasons, because they're many and complicated, but I mention it because it has left me in a bind. The bind comes in two parts.
1) I miss people.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rain_herself and I have gotten closer than ever in so many ways, but I've lost touch with friends, local and otherwise. I'm not used to that.
2) My connection to people, at least for the last decade-plus, has been largely through social media. I don't think I can do social media any more.
They hurt, these places where the people I've long loved hang around. So often, just a peek at Twitter or Facebook (especially Facebook) is enough to fill me with anger, the horrible kind that doesn't shake off, or sorrow, or hopelessness. They are the single most emotionally damaging thing in my life now, even more than job stress, or fears about the future and money, or even the too-long I-90 commute each weekday. And I'd walk away for good, or at least prune out the parts that are wearing at my brain and soul, but, well, it's where the people I've been closest to are. I don't see them in my daily life, so I have to go find them where they're gathering, in these imaginary buildings.
And these buildings aren't safe.
So how does this work? LJ is marginally safer if only because I've been around long enough to know where the dark basements are and how to reach the nearest exit. That leaves me feeling comfortable enough to ask the question here, but maybe not confident enough to stick around for the answer: how do I ditch this online world? Or if I stay here (where "here" is LJ/FB/Twitter/Tumblr/Ello/the Next Big Thing du jour), how to I keep it from breaking me? How do I find the people again without having to stare down the awfulness day after day? We all used to do that, right?
That's not completely true—the Indiegogo campaign for Murder Ballads sent me into huckster mode for two solid months back there—but it's true enough: I haven't been reaching out. I won't go into the usual list of reasons, because they're many and complicated, but I mention it because it has left me in a bind. The bind comes in two parts.
1) I miss people.
rain_herself and I have gotten closer than ever in so many ways, but I've lost touch with friends, local and otherwise. I'm not used to that.2) My connection to people, at least for the last decade-plus, has been largely through social media. I don't think I can do social media any more.
They hurt, these places where the people I've long loved hang around. So often, just a peek at Twitter or Facebook (especially Facebook) is enough to fill me with anger, the horrible kind that doesn't shake off, or sorrow, or hopelessness. They are the single most emotionally damaging thing in my life now, even more than job stress, or fears about the future and money, or even the too-long I-90 commute each weekday. And I'd walk away for good, or at least prune out the parts that are wearing at my brain and soul, but, well, it's where the people I've been closest to are. I don't see them in my daily life, so I have to go find them where they're gathering, in these imaginary buildings.
And these buildings aren't safe.
So how does this work? LJ is marginally safer if only because I've been around long enough to know where the dark basements are and how to reach the nearest exit. That leaves me feeling comfortable enough to ask the question here, but maybe not confident enough to stick around for the answer: how do I ditch this online world? Or if I stay here (where "here" is LJ/FB/Twitter/Tumblr/Ello/the Next Big Thing du jour), how to I keep it from breaking me? How do I find the people again without having to stare down the awfulness day after day? We all used to do that, right?
