Fond of rumpots, crackpots, and how are you, Mr. Wilson?

After much cussing and many post-box-lugging ibuprofen tablets, the move from Worcester to Providence took place this Saturday just passed, and as per usual there are too many things to write about. So pardon me while I spitball my feelings about the new place and its surrounding environs:

1) Let's start with the important stuff: we now have a dishwasher.
2) And a gas stove.
3) And a claw-foot tub. People, I can't even.
4) Tangential to bullet point 3: shower curtain feng shui for a clawfoot tub is an interesting challenge. If you're not careful about side-blow, you can end up feeling like you're trapped within the nethers of a vinyl she-giant.
5) Man, Rhode Island weather doesn't kid around.
6) I still work in Lexington, so everyone asks about the commute first and the house second. To answer your questions, yes, it's a long drive, but not that much longer than it was from Worcester, unless there's weather (see #5).
7) From a two-room quasi-efficiency with a kitchen the size of an ironing board to the first floor of a house with three bedrooms and basement storage for the same rent and no extra parking fees, and we found it on the first try. I feel like we spent all our good karma at once.
8) Big Tony's: "Home of the Gangster Wrap." Yup.
9) #8 not to be confused with Uncle Tony's, which is "Home of the Plumpy." A good rule of thumb is never order a menu item that sounds like an Urban Dictionary sex practice.
10) I don't think I'll ever reach a point where turning a corner and seeing a gigantic dome doesn't freak me out a little.
11) Not only is there a Whole Foods, it's the local grocery. Never have blessing and curse fallen so closely together.
12) Totally gonna host a game night. Or a song circle. Or best yet, both.
13) We got in just before the late snow, so we now know well the Song of the Steam Radiators. I shall sing it for you now: FFFSHHHKXCHFFRXX SCREEEEEEE FWRRRSHHHHH
14) We've named the place Intermezzo, because we found the utterly perfect name for a home but because it's a little too perfect we don't want to use it until we buy a house someday. Intermezzo is a good name for Home for Now.
15) No, I'm not going to tell you the perfect name. I don't want to get fingerprints on it.
16) Because of #14, our first in-house entertainment was 1939's Intermezzo: A Love Story. It has one fantastic scene, cinematography by Gregg Toland, a very young Ingrid Bergman, and a lot of moments where you wish they'd just get over themselves.
17) We finally got a better mattress, and now need a footstool to get into bed.
18) We've also instituted a new "no electronics in the bedroom" rule in an attempt to unfuck our sleep cycles. This includes phones, so if you intend to call us up at two in the a.m., tough noogies.
19) The rule mentioned in #18 means we can't use our phone alarms, so we tried out the windup alarm clock we've had around, and promptly became so traumatized by its apocalyptic death knell that we started waking up 45 minutes early and refusing to go back to sleep because the alarm bell was going to pounce on us and devour our flesh. (We've rectified the situation.)
20) Found a can of St. Jude Thaddeus Spray in the basement. I'm guessing it's there to give your laundry that fresh Aramaic scent.
21) One of the three bedrooms is the master bedroom, one is the guest room, and one is going to be a yoga studio because we're tired of positions like Sparrow Slamming Knuckles into Coffee Table.
22) When Rhode Island's interstate highways want you to turn, by gods they will frickin' tell you.
23) Three packages claimed to have been delivered, and no sign of any of them. So much for leaving stuff on the porch.
24) Well, no, correction, the spice rack rain_herself's mom got us will be arriving on Saturday.
25) Already looked up the two best open mics in town, and they're both on Tuesdays. COORDINATE, people.
26) This will be the first weekend I've had off in roughly two months. I shall join the ranks of the Proud, the Unpantsed, and the Gratuitously Horizontal!

So! Come visit us! Seriously! An hour from Boston! Near many fine eating establishments! We're fun to be around!

Also? It's home. Grace be unto us all, it's home.

I have my strongest hopes yet for LiveJournal's impending resurgence: behold, the return of memes, the most prodigal of sons! While we're all partying like it's 2005, brujah has assigned me the number 15, meaning I am to provide 15 random facts about myself, a game of which my blogger's egomania can only approve. (Reply to this post to receive a number of your own, yada yada, no purchase necessary, void where prohibited, batteries not included.)

1. Aside from the period immediately following my birth, I have never been hospitalized for any reason. In-hospital procedures and ER visits, yes; being admitted for even one night, no. (Announcing this makes me nervous. I'm fearing a Dorian Gray situation where I use up all my karma and get hit with nine diseases at once, just before a Chevy Impala falls on me.)


2. When I entered college, my life plan was getting an acting degree. When I left college, my life plan was opening a coffeehouse. I have the temperament for neither.


3. I have walked out of exactly two movies in my adult life: Fluke (too ridiculous) and Marie Antoinette (too boring).


4. I didn't start to drive on the interstate until well into my twenties. I had a morbid fear of merging.


5. I learned guitar using my mom's Goya classical. My first folk guitar, the one I used for over 20 years, was also a Goya, a Christmas/birthday/wedding/graduation gift from my mom. It's now in the hands of my daughter, who's been begging to learn to play. (I taught her E and Em last weekend, then wrote down the chords for "Shake It Off.")


6. I have in my possession an orange jelly bean that had been allegedly stepped on by one of the Beatles during a concert in 1964. Also from my mom, who got it from her brother for Christmas that year. She cried.


7. My three notable scars on my hands and arms are from (in reverse chronological order) a hot olive oil splatter, a freaked-out cat, and a failed attempt at knife juggling.


8. I once turned down a glassblower's offer to be his apprentice. It's one of my great regrets.


9. I am so obsessed with my morning sesame bagel with cream cheese that the office cafeteria lately has sometimes given me free food to apologize when she's out of stock.


10. My first real job was as Bingo the Birthday Clown at the Ground Round in Matteson, IL. My trainer was a Janis Joplin clone whose favorite phrase was "groovy-cool" (which I still say), and who called me at home one night drunk off her ass to tell me my horoscope and find out what I "really thought of her." (Older women acting mildly predatory around me was a theme when I was a teen, none of which I noticed until I was much older, looking back and going, "...hey, wait a minute!" When I was 17, I once watched Jeopardy from a hot tub with a married woman in her 30's, completely oblivious to the fact that she was hitting on me even when she insisted on leaning forward dramatically in her bathing suit to talk to me.)


11. All four of my grandparents were still alive as of my late 20's. I still don't know how to process death.


12. I often fantasize about winning a lottery or sweepstakes whose prize is a credit card that would never max out, but could only be used to buy food, either in stores or restaurants. I would live such a wondrous life.


13. Given what a constant it's been in my life since I was old enough to remember, I can't believe it's taken me this long to figure out that I want to be a musician.


14. I think I may be done with crossword construction. I'm tired of whacking my head against that particular wall.


15. A few of the songs I've written over the last few months have been among the best I've ever done. I can't wait until they see the light of day.

I meant to post this way back in January—back when it'd have been, y'know, appropriate—but I wasn't posting anything back then, really, except screeds about how I wish I posted things. So this really is way too late, but at the moment I'm trying to switch off some brain cells, so it seems the time has come. Besides, I can use the excuse that the delay has allowed me to add some tracks I hadn't heard until well after the year was over (that's my story, and I'm sticking to it).

So allow me to dust of my Big Bag o' Unsolicited Opinions:

Adam's Top 50 Songs of 2013

( Click here for #50 through #11 )

10) "Circle of Trust," Ooga Boogas
After the whole garage punk movement of a decade ago, a lot of folks, myself included, were left saddened and confused, thinking, "Okay, wait, there was the Vines and the Hives and…then…what? Where'd everybody go?" Enter Ooga Boogas. You can relax now, rock and roll is in safe hands.

9) "Amidinine," Bombino
Bombino is Omara Moctar, a Taureg singer-songwriter hailing from Niger. So if you'll indulge me for a moment before you click that link, close your eyes and imagine what the fusion of West African music and blues rock might sounds like. Yes, it is that awesome.

8) "Manic Baby," The Preatures
The Preatures dish out the sort of sound I usually like without loving. So why have I glommed onto every song of theirs I've heard so far?

7) "Number 9," Moon Hooch
Two saxophones and a drum set. Shouldn't work. Nope, shouldn't work at all. And yet I have to warn you that this song will eat your entire head for the rest of the week if you give it the time of day. Probably best not to listen. Yep, probably best.

6) "Get Lucky," Daughter
It's an indication of how far out of the loop I am that I heard this cover well before I heard the Daft Punk original. And if I may wax stubbornly opinionated for a moment, while Daft Punk have themselves the Hit of the Year, Daughter have themselves something a helluva lot better.

5) "Stranglehold," Sarah Borrello
Okay, listen up, people: Sarah Borrello is a local Boston singer-songwriter whose debut album, Exit, just came out this past year, and I'm making a point of telling you about this local Boston singer-songwriter because within the next few years she is going to become jim-frickin' huge. Mark my words, dear readers, this is going to happen. Give a listen. You'll see what I mean.

4) "Stony Ground," Richard Thompson
How the hell does the man keep topping himself? I don't even have the capacity to keep talking about him. Let's all just acknowledge that he's amazing and carry on with our lives, shall we?

3) "Ryba (Fish)," Leningrad
I should probably specify that I mean the acoustic version here. The regular album take sounds like a screamier version of Earth Wind and Fire; the version I allude to sounds like Gogol Bordello, only with a bigger horn section and a fuckton more vodka. Three guesses which one knocked my socks clean off my dancing feet.

2) "Summer Dress," July Talk
Like the Tom Waits/Neko Case collaboration you didn't know you'd always wanted.

1) "The Wild," Kristofer Åström
This list contains a sizable share of folk and folk-rock, to be sure, but lately I've been favoring the portions of my listening habits that have more of a pulse. So when I realized that Kristofer Åström's "The Wild" was going to fill the #1 spot, I was a bit surprised, I must admit. And yet there was no doubt in my mind: it's a flawless little gem of warm, tender fireside acoustica with some of the most evocative two-part coed harmonies I've ever heard. No bigger than what we ask of it, no smaller than what our hearts need. A perfect breath, inhale and exhale.

( Gratuitous and unnecessary bonus track )

As part of the ongoing brain-fix that I’ve been attempting (which also includes the “Figuring Out What I Want to Be When I Grow Up” Project and the “Beating the Rotten Little F&$%ing Guilt Monster That Lives in My Skull Into Wallpaper Paste” Initiative), I’ve begun assembling a list of life rules that I can embrace and believe in. I’ve only managed to assemble nine such rules so far, which is actually a good thing in that I’m not top-loading the list with chaff. I suspect that the list will grow and evolve over time, but for now I present the Rules as they currently stand:


Slipjig’s Rules

1) Life is too short not to be kind.
2) Always treat your barista well.
3) “Don’t get caught.” [Kevin Wiley]
4) Prioritize your own happiness.
5) Know thyself.
6) Real butter, dammit.
7) “Thou shalt not attend an open mic and leave once you’ve done your shitty little song or poem, you self-righteous prick.” [Dan Le Sac]
8) If your rather bad day has a really good story, you’ve broken even.
9) Guilt is useless, destructive and not worth your time.


And yes, I have been known to quote them by number from time to time: “Dude! Rule 2! Tip the guy, ya friggin' tightwad!” As for the list’s ongoing evolution, I do welcome suggestions, which does not necessarily mean I will accept any of them. More importantly, though, let me ask you: what are your rules for life?

(To answer your unspoken question, yes, I’ll probably need to skip #34 if I make it that far. Boo.)

EDIT: Added #9, which I'm still amazed hadn't been added until then.

1) spleen
2) coccyx
3) sacroiliac
4) islets of Langerhans
5) gizzard
6) thorax
7) basal ganglia
8) scapula
9) pharynx
10) vestibulocochlear nerve

Thank you. *bows*