The Fates are getting on my wick

I must have said this a dozen times today:

Dear Universe,

If you're going to screw me over, screw me over.
If you're going to save me, save me.
But please, please don't promise you're going to save me, then leave me hanging. I can't take this again, okay?

Thanks,
Me

I need about six hours with a masseuse right about now. And 17 hours of sleep. And a unicorn, as long as I'm making stuff up.