You want answers? I'll give you answers.

From the first round of non-salacious questions from this poll. (Feel free to ask more! More questions are always welcome!

Who do that Hoodoo you do so well? Carol Burnett.

Why? Because I said so, that's why. Now knock it off back there, or so help me God, I'm turning this car around right now, and you can forget about Disney World.

Do you know of any literature on user-directed optimizations? The Monster at the End of This Book springs to mind. Otherwise, no.

How best can your friends keep you happy and healthy right now? Honestly? Y'all are doing it. Just keep me in a social place. Keep in touch. Keep a place for me in your lives, if you can. That's all. (And if by some quirk of fate you're in a position to get me moved to Boston without borking my finances, please for the love of gods do so.)

Do you ever feel disappointed or annoyed with friends who are monogamous because of their monogamy? Annoyed? Not at all—poly ain't for everybody by a long stretch, and I certainly don't begrudge anyone that. Disappointed? Not really as such, except in the sort of way a monogamous person might feel when someone interesting is taken: "Ooo, you're cute! ... Ohh, damn, you're married. Sigh."

How YOU doin'? I like your shoes!

How many boards would the mongols hoard if the mongol hordes got bored? 37. (Actual answer: *crumple* *toss*)

Yes or no? Yes. Is this a trick question?