If Franz Kafka drew "Dilbert" (whaddya mean, "if"?)

This coming Monday is Memorial Day, which according to my temp agency is an actual bona fide Paid Holiday. Even better, for the first time I've been on the job long enough to qualify! Except, oh would you look at that, I haven't worked enough hours to actually qualify, despite my full-time status. A damned shame all around.

So I took the time to do the math, taking as my baseline their stated minimum number of eligibility work-hours in the last six months, and have determined that one can qualify for paid holidays provided one has successfully avoided all of the following:

* illness
* bad weather
* appointments
* trips
* special occasions
* office closings, including those due to bad weather and/or emergencies
* early departures
* long lunches
* other holidays

The preceding may be possible to mitigate through working overtime, which, by the way, we are not authorized to do. You want to know how bad it is? One of my coworkers is disqualified only because his father was hospitalized a few months ago.

So, yeah, unpaid holiday it is, with a grumbling-and-cussing chaser. Good thing there's only one more of these over the summer.