"Are you sure you don't have the wrong number?"

[slipjig3]

There are things to be concerned about, and then there are things to be concerned about. Yesterday afternoon, I was witness to the latter variety when I got a text from Kristi: "Call me as soon as you get this. It's about Abbey." I called as soon as I got it. What I heard was the leading edges of a long story, but the upshot was that Abbey called her at work saying, "Mom, you need to come home. The police want to talk to you." Yep. If Lazarus had been a mom, all Jesus would have had to do was shout that at his tomb, and Ol' Lazzy-Boy would've been up and out before the sentence ended.

The upshot, she learned, was that there was a group of 15-to-17's that included Abbey, her ostensible boyfriend, her dearest frenemy (which is a word I loathe but it's apropos), and a bottle of Smirnoff, from which said boyfriend apparently swigged a great deal. This led to him losing consciousness (possibly due to a drug interaction), which led to a panicked 911 call, which led to an ambulance, which led to the police. They said they had a hard time getting a straight answer from her, which surprises me little, but they didn't believe Abbey had been drinking herself, knock wood. Unfortunately, this all came with the discovery that she's been sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night, along with recent revelations regarding an out-of-state and some rather...advanced text conversations.

So the final outcome is that she's here in new Hampshire for a few days, away from Nefarious Massachusetts Influences and things like her cell phone. She's sanguine about the whole thing, although she's been rather bored today as I've been working my extremities off between job hunting and getting the new CD ready. Still, she's got one more full day here, so I think I'll make a point of spending some time with her tomorrow and try to get her talking, preferably in non-performace mode. On the one hand, I know this is adolescence, and more friends than not went through much the same and survived, but on the other...well, on the other, she's my daughter, which means Being Understanding of Her Growth Path is harder than it otherwise might be. It's especially hard remembering what one's brain is like as a teenager; if it's anything like mine, hers is a snarled mess, and I can't imagine what that's got to be like given the extra pressures society lays on her in the New Media age, and the extra pressures she puts on herself.

Anyroad, she's asleep on the couch right now, and I'll be turning in shortly. Maybe we'll play some card games in the morning, or maybe just hang out. Keep it simple. Keep it us.

Comments

[captain18.livejournal.com]

Small consolation, at least they were responsible enough to call 911 when they realized they had a problem on their hands, rather than trying to stuff him in someone's bedroom with the hope that they could sweep it under the rug by having him sleep it off.

[yendi]

In the immortal final words of Freddy Krueger (at least in The Final Nightmare, the antepenultimate Freddy movie before the reboot), "Kids."

Yeah, I know I did things much worse than what my daughter has done when I was a teen, but that doesn't make dealing with having a teenager any easier.

And there are some text messages that one just should never have to get. Oy. I am glad that this only ended with an ER visit, at least. It sounds like it could have been much worse.

[scifantasy.livejournal.com]

I'm slightly disappointed that the correct response on the kids' part (the panicked 911 call leading to the ambulance) led to the police--there is a reason that my college had an "alcohol amnesty" setup. (The idea being, the reason kids don't call for medical help is "what if they call the police and we get in trouble for drinking underage? No, he'll/she'll be fine." Remove the threat of punishment and you get better reaction.) But that's about the ambulance and the police, and not about you; it's a larger socio-political-legal question and that's not the important thing.

Your response was primarily to give her a few days of distance, which has some punitive aspects, I suppose. But you didn't otherwise punish her (that you said), which seems reasonable and proportionate. (Ignore anything she says otherwise; that's pure petulance talking.) You haven't thrown away her cell phone, refused to let her see the boyfriend, banned her from Massachusetts for life, or anything.

It can be hard to balance wanting to protect her and shield her with not wanting to smother her and cocoon her. It sounds to me like you're striking the balance well.

[spoothbrush.livejournal.com]

Depending on the particular location, the correct response could lead to legal action against the owner/lessor of the place where this happened. Which is also part of that larger socio-political-legal question and also not the important thing.

Good luck with the understanding part. Hopefully anything she's doing, physically or textually, is at least something that she's doing because she wants to try it, and not because she feels like she needs to or is supposed to.

[rubian77.livejournal.com]

O_o

I do not envy you this sort of thing...but you know I'm here if'n you want to talk. I'm not a parent, but I could see about hooking you up with some resources. *hugs*

(And if you want me to tell her some horror stories to scare her straight, that's also an option. My family has tons of baggage up one side and down the other, and of course, there's What I Do For A Living.)

[antsswarm.livejournal.com]

Shit happens, it's good to be sanguine, but it's also okay to suddenly lay the "protect yourself" talks on her.