Oh, YOU again. Dandy.
Jul. 10th, 2016 09:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
slipjig3So it would appear that I'm dealing with a bout of depression. Swell.
The weird part is that I didn't even really notice until recently. My past bouts with the D-word were of the all-encompassing, flesh-eating variety that we all know and fail to love. The last truly serious one lasted for about a year, and only ended with some superhuman patience from those close to me and the most literal force of will I have ever applied to my emotional state. This round looks nothing at all like that one did, or the one after my last divorce, or the one back in high school; my lows just don't seem to get that low anymore. But when you notice that you're not talking to people or doing things, which you've been blaming on being too tired from your long commutes except that now your self-awareness Clippy icon is pointing out that you haven't typed "Hi!" in that friend's chat window because you're afraid of hello...well. Shit. Wasn't counting on that one.
So yes, I'm working on improving things, and yes, there will be a therapist, and yes, I'm keepin' on keepin' on, and as stated, no, it's not even close to as bad as it could be; my main response to the discovery has been, "...huh. That 'splains some things...." I just wanted to pop in here and raise my banner for reckoning's sake, in the hopes on creating some sort of inertia. Also, I missed my 14-year LJversary last week, which I shall file under the heading of "a drag, man" and carry on
Also also, apologies for my sporadic presence over the last month. What'd I miss?
The weird part is that I didn't even really notice until recently. My past bouts with the D-word were of the all-encompassing, flesh-eating variety that we all know and fail to love. The last truly serious one lasted for about a year, and only ended with some superhuman patience from those close to me and the most literal force of will I have ever applied to my emotional state. This round looks nothing at all like that one did, or the one after my last divorce, or the one back in high school; my lows just don't seem to get that low anymore. But when you notice that you're not talking to people or doing things, which you've been blaming on being too tired from your long commutes except that now your self-awareness Clippy icon is pointing out that you haven't typed "Hi!" in that friend's chat window because you're afraid of hello...well. Shit. Wasn't counting on that one.
So yes, I'm working on improving things, and yes, there will be a therapist, and yes, I'm keepin' on keepin' on, and as stated, no, it's not even close to as bad as it could be; my main response to the discovery has been, "...huh. That 'splains some things...." I just wanted to pop in here and raise my banner for reckoning's sake, in the hopes on creating some sort of inertia. Also, I missed my 14-year LJversary last week, which I shall file under the heading of "a drag, man" and carry on
Also also, apologies for my sporadic presence over the last month. What'd I miss?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2016-07-11 05:18 am (UTC)If you ever want to talk to someone who... well you know, ping me.
<3 <3 <3 <3
(no subject)
Date: 2016-07-11 02:27 pm (UTC)I am glad that you're taking care of yourself as best you can - I know that's not always easy. You are loved.
(no subject)
Date: 2016-07-11 03:41 pm (UTC)It must be nice to have "bouts" and "episodes". If I had them I'd have to say the last (and current) one started when I was 8yo.
[/sardonic]
More seriously, though, it will pass and you'll be doing better. Just hold on tight like during a fast descent on a roller coaster.
(no subject)
Date: 2016-07-11 03:43 pm (UTC)Ya know, the usual.
Welcome back.
(no subject)
Date: 2016-07-12 07:59 pm (UTC)Oh, I understand this feeling all too well!
Glad you have recognized this and are now able to take some actions about it. I hope this bout passes quickly.
(no subject)
Date: 2016-07-13 12:03 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2016-07-19 06:09 pm (UTC)So, my husband's been considering buying a mandolin. What's yours? How do you like it?