Trial by my peers? Have you MET my peers?

[slipjig3]

Back in November I received a jury duty summons from the nearest U.S. District Court. Eyeroll, sigh, fine, I'll eat my civic duty while it's warm. Normally I'd hope for something fluffy, non-life-or-death, like an interesting property dispute or something; the U.S. District Court generally isn't in the fluffy law business, but this appears to be a civil rather than criminal suit, so hope springing eternal as always I crossed my fingers and wished for something not too awful.

There was a form to fill out and return, of course, but there was also enclosed a 30+ page questionnaire to be completed, presumably to streamline the selection process. I no longer have a copy to quote from verbatim, but please take a moment to try and picture my facial expressions as I flipped through it for the first time, as I discovered the questions below along the way:

Name, address, occupation, marriage status, number of kids, etc.

Blah, blah. Fine.

From what source(s) do you usually get information on current events?

You mean, am I a Fox News kinda guy? No, and no. Where exactly are you going with this?

Are you familiar with the movement known as Black Lives Matter?

...uh-oh....

Some people believe that because police officers' work is so dangerous, they should be given more leeway to act without fearing repercussions. Do you agree?

[covers eyes, reads through fingers] Ohhh, no....

Do you feel personal injury payments have gotten out of hand?

Oh god oh god oh god.... [hides behind couch]

So nope, totes not fluffy. And now I have a quandary, because I don't want to do jury duty any more than the next guy, but if I'm interested in justice I also don't want the next guy adjudicating a racially-motivated police brutality case. I've met the next guy, in YouTube comments and the like, and he scares me. In the end, though, I really don't have much control over whether I'm chosen to serve or not, because as this is a court document I have to answer honestly. Which I did: Have I ever participated in a public demonstration? Why yes, I marched at the Black Friday protest from Macy's to Times Square. Held a sign and everything.

On Monday I received the following email:

Dear slipjig3,

After your reviewing your questionnaire, the Court has excused you from jury service on [DATE]. We thank you for completing the questionnaire.

Sincerely,
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Clerk, U.S. District Court

Welp.

The good news is, now I can enjoy Arisia without having to worry about choosing a tie the next morning. On the flip side, I'd like to send the following personal message to Mr. John Q. Next Guy, Federal Juror in Good Standing: Don't screw this up. Don't make me come down there.

Comments

[fiddledragon]

Beena was filling out her questionairre last night for her first jury duty summons that she'll actually be able to go to.

[slipjig3]

Oh, cool! I'll admit to being a tiny bit disappointed at having to miss it, but I've been informed that I might get chosen for another case in the future, so I suppose we'll see what happens.

[johncomic]

Why do I get the nagging feeling that they weren't so much looking for an impartial juror as for a particular kind of partial?

[slipjig3]

That thought had occurred to me. (As hypnagogie put it, "Congratulations! You're not racist enough!") If I'm not mistaken, though, the questionnaire results are given to both sets of attorneys, so I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt and say that impartiality is probably the final goal. Probably.

[rubian77]

I was summoned last year, on the county level. They pick jurors for multiple trials at once. I wouldn't mind, personally...but with my husband's out of control OCD, he was freaking out and so his psychiatrist excused me.

OTOH, I honestly have so many reservations about the current judicial/penal systems, I'd probably be so distracted I couldn't focus.

[slipjig3]

That was my one previous jury duty experience, except they settled all of the cases before I could get there. I think I'd find the process fascinating enough to distract me from the rage-making aspects, but perhaps not for an entire three-week period.