Murders of the retail variety

[slipjig3]

Van Ryder Games: Hey!
Me: Hey yourself.
VRG: Lookee! Final Girl board game!
Me: Ugh, pass.
VRG: Solid horror themed content!
Me: Hard nope.
VRG: Designed specifically for solo play!
Me: [stops mid-syllable) ...I'm listening.
VRG: Infinitely replayable!
Me: I've heard that one before.
VRG: With expansion sets out the yin-yang!
Me: [scoots chair closer] Go on....
VRG: The packaging is also the game boards!
Me: Keep talking.
VRG: That you can mix and match!
Me: [audible whimpering noise]
VRG: And you can create custom cards right on our website!
Me: [carefully keeping hand away from wallet pocket in desperate attempt to retain some modicum of sensible control] Okay, hang on, expansion sets cost m-o-n-e-y.
VRG: Yep.
Me: So I—
VRG: Under 20 bucks.
Me: ...fuck. [whips out debit card Annie Oakley-style]
VRG: Told ya.
Me: I'm getting ONE. Base set and one—ONE—scenario. Period. I mean, I don't know if I'm even going to like th—

[45 minutes later]

Me: [screaming into phone] WELL THEN WHO DOES BUY BLACK MARKET KIDNEYS? I HAVE NEEDS.


(Seriously, I was not expecting to go all in on this.)