Athlete's teeth and bearded ladies

[slipjig3]

Abbey: [pointing to the photo on the back of The Giving Tree] Who's that?
Me: That's the author, Shel Silverstein.
Abbey: It looks like a girl.
Me: [puzzled] A girl. A bald girl, with a beard.
Abbey: [ponders] She must have taken the hair off her head, and stuck it to her face.

Abbey's silly.

In spite of our best efforts, Abbey's definitely a child of consumer's culture (not too surprising, since she watches about 3,906 hours of broadcast televesion in any given week). So it's common in our household to hear her rev up her patented TurboWhine_tm and cry, "Daaaaaad! Can I have that?" with "that" in this case meaning "the Übertoy du jour that the Nickelodeon station break is currently shrieking about. (For the record, our response is always "Put it on your list." This response luckily does not require us to even enter the room the TV is in.)

But yesterday she threw me. I picked her up from the after-school program yesterday, only to have her beg to go to the dollar store this weekend. She wanted something very specific, but it took me a moment to figure out what on earth she was talking about. It turned out that her heart's desire was for an athletic mouth guard.

I'll repeat that for those who have just turned in: she wants an athletic mouth guard.

I asked her why, and she didn't get much beyond "it's cool" in her bid to convince me that she must have this. The one argument she did attempt was that, if she ever started playing soccer, she'd need one. I tried explaining to her that she did not need one now, thank you very much, that we'd get her one when she did start playing sports and not a moment sooner, that the things are downright uncomfortable, and the old standby "Because I said so," but she'd have none of it. You see, the man named Common Sense and the man named a Child's Hankering for Stuff will never share a house, even under Oscar and Felix conditions.

Ah, parenthood: the gift that keeps on baffling.

Comments

[magnifelyn.livejournal.com]

i think Abbey is super cool.

Keep writing these, for her and for Nik... One day, you'll be able to organize them, print them, and bind them, and offer them as gifts to your kids. That's one of our jobs as parents, isn't it? To pass on our memories, offer them up like vintage jewels for their safekeeping...

[adamchristopher.livejournal.com]

Absolutely! You are so right, and I second that!

[cyan-blue.livejournal.com]

Thirded :-)

Depending on what age she is, she'll either think it's wonderfully adorable or be mortally embarrassed.

[odheirre.livejournal.com]

No, to really embarrass her, give to her husband as a wedding present!

[slipjig.livejournal.com]

You're evil. You'd make a fine father, sir.

[slipjig.livejournal.com]

Or both. *giggle*

[slipjig.livejournal.com]

*grin*

[slipjig.livejournal.com]

That's a great idea, actually. Hmmm...

[rafaela.livejournal.com]

Tell her from the girl who slept with a splint on her teeth for four years....it sucks. Royally.

[slipjig.livejournal.com]

I wish that'd discourage her from such a thing. Unfortunately, she's a stubborn li'l so-and-so.

[thejunebug.livejournal.com]

Did she get the mouth-guard?

[slipjig.livejournal.com]

Dear gods, no. She hasn't mentioned it since, and we're all hoping she continues to refrain from doing so.

[odheirre.livejournal.com]

So, we shouldn't, like, call your house, and if Abbey answers the phone, say, "So, did you get that athletic mouth guard you wanted so much?"