Another holiday

[slipjig3]

I have not had the best of luck with Valentine's Day in the past. It's not just about the pressure surrounding the day to Be Romantic, or the salt the gets rubbed in the wounds during times when I was single or about to be; it's actually approaching the level of active jinx at times.

This morning, I slipped a signed and sealed valentine under Abbey's door while she was squirreled away in her room with her guinea pig, and crept downstairs to await her acknowledgement. Five minutes went by, ten, and I heard nothing, not even an opening door. So I crept back to her room and knocked to be let in. When she spoke to me, ice water dripped from her voice.

"I got your card," she said, sounding like I'd just forced her to chug a broccoli smoothie. "I already got a card, from Grandma and Grandpa."

"Well, yes," I said, trying to keep the smile in my words, "but this one's from me."

Abbey scarcely glanced up from the TV. "Well, the one from Grandma had a dollar in it, and you can color inside it. That's what I wanted." She paused. "So I sent it back."

Sure enough, in my bedroom I found a familiar-looking red envelope with a valentine in it, with the word "Abbey" printed neatly on the front. On the floor, no less.

When I get rebuffed by my own daughter, you know the jinx is hard at work. I know she's seven. I know she's doing what seven-year-olds do. Didn't stop me from crying.

Comments

[mommybabou.livejournal.com]

Wow. I am honestly speechless. I also get that she is just 7 but... that was downright bratty and mean. If you can muster up the courage, I'd have a talk with her. I wouldn't take this from my own 7 year old. She needs to learn that all expressions of affection are precious and should not be quantified. I may sound harsh, but you're not doing her any favors by letting this slip. You're a great dad so I know you wouldn't lay a big freakin guilt trip on her but she still needs to know she was hurtful... am I making sense?

[slipjig.livejournal.com]

You are. Actually, as I was finishing that post, Abbey came in to apologize all on her own; she genuinely felt bad about it. Mind you, she's also still insisting that there should've been a dollar in it, but we're at elast making headway.

Re:

[ianphanes.livejournal.com]

Try this:

Ask her "Why *should* there be a dollar in a Valentine's Day card?" Point out that "I want there to be" is not adequate for *should*. At seven, she is now old enough to start understanding logic.

If you can get the logic through that you had no obligation to include money, go on to pointing out that, if she rejects others' kindnesses, she may lose their friendship.

Good luck.

[slipjig.livejournal.com]

*nods* I don't think she'll see the logic, though. I hate to say this, but she is spoiled beyond all recognition at this point, and I honestly don't know what to do about it.

Re:

[thejunebug.livejournal.com]

Just start fixing it. Ignoring it is NOT going to make it go away. It will hurt and it won't be easy, but it won't stop until you do something. You're the daddy, after all.

Re:

[catamorphism.livejournal.com]

David suggests putting her in a room with spiders and telling her that they're poisonous only they aren't, but even so she'll be so freaked that she won't be spoiled anymore.

This is why I'm waiting at least ten years to have any children.

Re:

[krystynayt.livejournal.com]

Being spoiled is not a happy place for a kid to be. I mean, for the kid herself, even. (Nevermind the parents...)

I'd actually suggest something more subtle, like taking her on community service ventures (soup kitchens, fundraising events for the less fortunate, etc) so she can see that she is so lucky to have her parents, her grandparents, toys, a home, three meals a day plus snacks.

Also, it would make a nice father-daughter activity.

[paganmommy.livejournal.com]

Sweet-heart? What she just did wasn't "seven year old", it was bratty.

********************hugs*******************************

I hate V-day too.

[slipjig.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Do hang in there, hon, okay?

[magnifelyn.livejournal.com]

i hope she saw you cry.

[jenkitty.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[cyan-blue.livejournal.com]

Oh, hugs... that girl is just something.

Meanwhile, http://www.livejournal.com/users/140204/1674.html?page=7#comments (scroll down)

[yendi]

:-(

What others have said -- her behavior wasn't appropriate, and was bratty. I'm glad she apologizes, but she needs to realize that taking a parent's love for granted isn't something she's supposed to do until she's a teenager.

[kiwitayro.livejournal.com]

this could be a good teaching tool - let her know that it's not ok to be rude to people like that (especially not people you love) and let her see your pain, let her know that she hurt you.

[antsswarm.livejournal.com]

Oooo, don't cry. You might want to tell her that she did a very bad thing.

You might want to tell her if that you found out she had done a similar thing to a kid, she'd be grounded for life.

I would love to get a Valentine from you. I would treasure it always.

[adamchristopher.livejournal.com]

awwwwww, I'm sorry :(

[felisdemens.livejournal.com]

Good god. I can only second all the support. I don't have kids, so I don't presume to offer advice, but my friend Jessica (mother of three, 7, 2 1/2, and 1) suggests telling her that she made you cry, and explaining that presents are something you should appreciate, not expect. She also says that you should keep all presents hidden and dole them out as rewards for good behavior, rather than giving them to her on holidays. I bow to greater wisdom than mine own.