![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Life in Verizonland
Jun. 11th, 2004 10:38 amThe nice thing about management not being around the office is that, when an inmate calls and offers various indelicate oral services, you can say, "I'm sorry, you're not my type. I don't date stupid people."
You can also get into discussions with your coworkers about paranoid people who want to know how they can tell if their phone is being tapped. Invariably, these questions come from declining women in their 70's, who evidently are afraid that some shifty-eyed trenchcoated stranger is listening in on their conversations about grandchildren and failing pancreases. I've decided that someday, just once, I'm going to address their questions by saying, "Well, let me just check my equipment... Hmmm... Why, yes, ma'am, it says your phone has been tapped. It's been tapped by an agency called... Wait, who are you? What are you doing in this offi... Hey, put that gun down! Don't! DON'T! AAIEEE—" *static*
I've actually begun a project to create a taxonomy of Problem Customers, complete with pseudo-Latinate scientific names. (In case you haven't guessed, my job bores me to hari-kiri.) I've already determined that the class Problematica contains for separate orders: the Annoyances (callers who aren't technically doing anything wrong, but irk the bajeezus out of you anyway), the Idiots (callers who genuinely want you to help, but couldn't find their own heinies without a tutorial), the Assholes (no explanation necessary), and the Wingnuts (see description of paranoid caller above). I've already got a hundred or so distinct species codified, and I've barely scratched the surface. If I reach four figures, I reckon that'd be a good time to find a new job.
In the meantime, I overheard a coworker talking yesterday about a caller who said, "I called 55-574-26, and the recording said I'd reached '555-7426'. What is wrong with this stupid phone company?!"
Ehh. It's a living.
You can also get into discussions with your coworkers about paranoid people who want to know how they can tell if their phone is being tapped. Invariably, these questions come from declining women in their 70's, who evidently are afraid that some shifty-eyed trenchcoated stranger is listening in on their conversations about grandchildren and failing pancreases. I've decided that someday, just once, I'm going to address their questions by saying, "Well, let me just check my equipment... Hmmm... Why, yes, ma'am, it says your phone has been tapped. It's been tapped by an agency called... Wait, who are you? What are you doing in this offi... Hey, put that gun down! Don't! DON'T! AAIEEE—" *static*
I've actually begun a project to create a taxonomy of Problem Customers, complete with pseudo-Latinate scientific names. (In case you haven't guessed, my job bores me to hari-kiri.) I've already determined that the class Problematica contains for separate orders: the Annoyances (callers who aren't technically doing anything wrong, but irk the bajeezus out of you anyway), the Idiots (callers who genuinely want you to help, but couldn't find their own heinies without a tutorial), the Assholes (no explanation necessary), and the Wingnuts (see description of paranoid caller above). I've already got a hundred or so distinct species codified, and I've barely scratched the surface. If I reach four figures, I reckon that'd be a good time to find a new job.
In the meantime, I overheard a coworker talking yesterday about a caller who said, "I called 55-574-26, and the recording said I'd reached '555-7426'. What is wrong with this stupid phone company?!"
Ehh. It's a living.
