Breaking points

[slipjig3]

So I get this caller today of the Cranky and Bitter flavor. We get those by the bushelful, so I'm quite familiar with the drill, but he seems to have a simple, easy-to-address question on a troublesome matter that has been made worse by a previous operator shunting him off to a department that was closed at the time. So I do my damnedest to help him, apologizing for the previous call, addressing his issues as best I can and telling him who he can call during business hours to address the ones I can't. And lo and behold, after a few minutes of work I've successfully talked him down from his dial-rage, and he's thanking me for my help and for being honest with him, and I'm genuinely feeling good about actually getting something, anything accomplished.

And then, just before he hangs up, the caller (now in a much-better mood) says, "Hey, can I ask you one last question?"

"Sure," I say.

"Who in your company do I write to," he asks, "to bitch about the $250,000 you guys spent on Proposition 8 so that faggots can get married in California?"

Oh, yes, he did. I haven't been so sorry to have helped someone in a long time.

I did not say what was on my mind. It was one of those rare moments when I had my comeback at the ready, but in my desire to (a) keep my job and (b) get him off the line without pissing him off enough that he comes back to some other poor operator like a Canadian quarter in a soda machine, I kept my mouth clamped shut. ("I'm not sure. Hang on while I ask my boyfriend...." Came this close to saying it. Within millimeters, I swear.) I did sort of let him know that I was in disagreement, but I'd helped him on his problem so he seemed willing to let it go. But I swear by all that is good and holy, I am going to get that button that sends 4,000 volts through the caller's handset if it kills me.

Jesus, why are we not past this yet? Why are we still dealing with these issues? I've always been an optimist where human nature is concerned; I tend to assume the best of people, until they've gone far out of their way to prove otherwise. (It's why I continued to try and help that caller even through the snarkiness and the tendency to talk over me.) The problem is, when someone comes out and says something like the "faggots can get married" line—just out and out saying it, epithets included, not even couching it in terms of "not comfortable with" or "don't agree with"—it jars me. It does not compute. My brain doesn't want to wrap around it, doesn't want to accept that so, so many people think this way.

No one reading this will be surprised that I support same-sex marriage, and oppose any and all laws that would limit or ban such unions. Most of the people I surround myself with believe the same; many are either members of the LGBT community or closely tied to it one way or the other. (The main reason I hadn't written about the Prop 8 vote before this was because so many of you reading this have written about it already, much more eloquently than I could.) And there's strength in that common vision, but also the danger of becoming insulated against those who disagree, be it mildly or vehemently or violently. It takes something to jar us out of that safety: a letter in the daily paper, or a ballot measure, or a phone call from a customer who refers to "faggots."

But those reminders do come. And I am sick to death of them.

So to you, jackass caller, wherever you may be, here's my real answer: No, I don't know to whom you would write such a letter. However, for everyone out there who does want legalized same-sex marriage (in California or elsewhere), I happily offer the following links:

A post from cyan_blue with some helpful links to anti-Prop 8 organizations

A post from rosefox with an open letter to President-elect Obama and more links

A Blogspot post from Kristi, my kids' mom (who wrote me just after the election to say, "You are going to blog about Prop 8, right?")

And my biggest regret regarding today's caller? Not knowing at the time that Connecticut has just started issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples. That much I would have mentioned. Celebrate the victories, too, friends.

Comments

[oneagain.livejournal.com]

When I've been in situations with folk like him before, I follow them home, albeit psychically, and let them know their unloving behavior is unacceptable and that they have unwittingly done some damage. On occasion, I receive proof that it did some good. Ymmv.

So sorry you had to deal with that and that it put you in a bad place.

[bikergeek.livejournal.com]

Bleah. What an asshat. I'm sorry you had to endure that. "So tell me, sir, did all four of your grandparents actually manage to make it up onto the hind two?"

[shannon_a]

The only difference between racists and this sort of bigot is that homophobes still feel like they can say it. The racists, they just have to sit there thinking about those blacks taking our white women, and they don't get to say anything about it.

So just give this guy ten years and then he too will be stewing in his own juices, unable to say anything, because our society *will* move on. Then all that pent-up fury will cause a debilitating stroke, and he'll end up in a nursing home for the rest of his life. With a nice nurse spoon-feeding him mushed up carrots twice a day. A gay nurse.

[botia.livejournal.com]

Except ... they have been saying it. My dad tells me his coworkers have been telling racist bullshit jokes like "Hey did you hear Obama was going to tear out the Rose Garden? Yeah he's putting in a watermelon patch..."

[chainkill.livejournal.com]

Yes, there are still places where it is considered acceptable to tell racist jokes, but it is not considered appropriate for polite company anymore. It is still appropriate in some places to say you hate homosexuals in front of a priest. Can you imagine telling that joke in front of a priest? If I wanted to be excommunicated, that would be a good way to do it!

[oneagain.livejournal.com]

Poor pathetic souls. It's probably all they have left.

[botia.livejournal.com]

psst you could throw me a bone here and link to my blog :P http://rioiriri.blogspot.com/2008/11/hateful-stupid-bigots.html

[rubian77.livejournal.com]

Wow. I'm like you - optimistic about the good in people - so I know the rage you must be feeling about this asshat.

I am a bit confused - who is the "you guys" he's referring to? I can't find any mention online about any $250,000 spent to fight Prop 8 from your employer or your union -- I did find that a Teacher's Union donated $1 million to fight it, so is that guy calling up all the local schools, too?

You seriously should have that zapping button....I'll get working on that for you. It'll be easier to make than the teleporter. ;)