The Disenchantment Report

[slipjig3]

I think I've reached a limit of some sort. I don't quite know what I mean by that, but my enthusiasm for stuff seems to be waning. To wit:

Blogathon: This year's Blogathon is coming up in a matter of weeks, and I'm...I'm just not feeling it. I don't know why. I've done it for the last three years, and have never had anything less than a great time, but I'm having a difficult time trying to muster up the necessary decisiveness and excitement to be looking forward to it. I don't even have a particular charity that I'm ready to throw myself behind. We'll see what happens, I suppose.

The Society for Creative Anachronism: This weekend is Northern Region War Camp, our local shire's big annual event, and we'll be attending on Saturday (the one day I'm not working), but I have the feeling that this will be a make-or-break affair—how well this goes will determine whether or not I ever go back. I've been drifting from the SCA for a while now, ever since I realized that my SCA experience isn't at all like that of seemingly everyone else. I don't fight, I don't do A&S, I don't have money to buy cool and pretty stuff, and I don't drink, which doesn't leave much else. I dunno. Maybe I'll feel different after Saturday; I kind of hope I do. I've just spent my last several events and get-togethers wondering why I'm there, and whether I'd be missed were it otherwise.

The novel: I wrote several new pages on The Noise of Endless Wars not too long ago, on a clunky old iMac we'd found in the lobby one day—outdated and asthmatic, but still okay for games and low-level word processing. Not long after, it refused to start ever again, taking my new pages with it. Yes, I can reconstruct them; I just don't much want to. I've caught myself offering to spoil the remainder of the book for anyone who asks about its progrees, because if I tell the story, I don't have to actually write it. Worst of all? I've reached to point where I'm not sure I care if it ever gets done.

Everything and a G'Moink: I brought the game to Arisia in January for playtesting, and got quite a bit of excellent feedback on how to improve it. I haven't even so much as opened the box since. I have no problem with this fact.

There are other things which I'm not going to get into right here. I think I've stacked my plate too high, and need to take a machete to my plans. I don't know how to do that.

Comments

[catamorphism.livejournal.com]

Depressed?

[celtic_maenad]

I admit my first thought was with catamorphism - one of the clinical signs of depression is lack of enthusiasm for things one used to enjoy.

But your reasoning of simply having your plate stacked too high is a good one as well. Perhaps a break as Shadesong suggested?

Bless.

[catamorphism.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I don't know. For me, I tend to forget that oh wait, maybe if everything starts to seem like it sucks, maybe it's because I'm getting depressed, and it isn't really that everything is starting to stop being interesting of its own accord.

[celtic_maenad]

I tend to forget that as well. During a depressive episode, anyway. Plateau times is/are when I can remember it, or when something outside myself points it out.

Manic times I'm too busy skipping from one thing to another to worry about lack of interest in things! *wry grin here*

[catamorphism.livejournal.com]

Don't even get me started on manicHey look, a bird!

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

You need a break. Want to come visit for a few days?

[slipjig.livejournal.com]

I'd love to, but I don't know how I could make such a thing happen. *sigh*

[captain18.livejournal.com]

If the hard drive's not trashed I could probably pull the files off it if you'd like.

[slipjig.livejournal.com]

Actually, can you extract a hard drive from an old-school iMac and/or a Gateway PC? What woudl yuou charge for such a service? (Thank you for the offer!)

[captain18.livejournal.com]

Nothing too outrageous, certainly. The next time we'll be in the greater Albany area we'll touch base.

[slipjig.livejournal.com]

I'm glad I'm not alone on this. Thank you.

[excursively.livejournal.com]

I'm with you, my friend... I'm having the same lack of enthusiasm about a lot of the things in my life that I used to enjoy. And the kicker is that I'm about as happy as I can ever remember being. Parts of my life are patently awesome, but other parts that I used to be excited about are just getting me down.

I thought I just needed a break, too, but I did that and it didn't help much. It gave me some perspective, but it didn't really *fix* anything.

I think I need a new project (or something) to really get excited about and get me through the next two months, and then I can hopefully decide which things that I used to like to do are still worth doing and which aren't.

Simplification is good. Prioritization also seems to help. I'm starting to think that apathy plus lack of motivation means I need new goals, plans be damned.

[slipjig.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. Hearing this helps a lot.

[spoothbrush.livejournal.com]

I don't like it when things that are fun turn into obligations. It sounds like that is something that is happening to a lot of projects for you. You should do something fast and fun. (Like me! No, wait...)

Tangentially, if you do the SCA that does stuff at RPI, I want to ask you something about somebody.

[slipjig.livejournal.com]

Check your messages.

[antsswarm.livejournal.com]

You MUST finish the Noise of Endless Wars. I know how frustrating all this is, but honey, the story is REALLY, REALLY GOOD.

Anything worth anything will be something you have to fight for. You love The Princess Bride? That movie took ten to fifteen years to make, and then it was a box office flop. IT IS NOW A CLASSIC.

But people had to fight and keep fighting for the book and the movie, and so must you.

[slipjig.livejournal.com]

Actually, The Princess Bride did make a nice profit, but your point is taken. Thank you, thank you, thank you for the kind words. It will get written, one way or another. (Only dear merciful heavens, please don't let them turn it into a movie.)

[rubian77.livejournal.com]

How I feel about Noise still holds -- I won't let you spoil it for me.

It's okay to take a break from things -- you don't have to take a machete to your plans, just focus on one or two things that are most important and leave the others on the back burner for a little bit. Come back to them when you're feeling better.

[perldiver.livejournal.com]

I had a mild period of what you're describing a few weeks ago--probably not as bad as what you're describing, but similar. I started getting antisocial, didn't get out much, was having great trouble making myself be productive, etc.

Here are some suggestions; they will sound trite and obvious, and you've probably heard most of them before, but they really made a difference for me:


1) First, take care the physical; it will have a tremendous impact:

- Get more sleep than you think you need. Go to bed early, make sure you're sleeping comfortably and well.

- Eat a big salad once a day.

- Drink more water than you think you want--have a big glass once per hour, and set a timer to make sure you drink. Put some lemon juice, lime juice, or other flavoring in if you like, to make it go down easier.

- Exercise and get some sun. Whenever the day is sunny, get outside at least once for 10-15 minutes and walk around the block.

2) Second, check your environment. Messy surroundings breed feelings of being overwhelmed and out of control. Straighten things up; I don't bother deep-cleaning, just making sure that the piles are neat or out of sight and that surfaces are dusted.

3) Exercise a little bit. Half a dozen pushups and thirty seconds of jogging in place when you first get up gets the blood moving and works out kinks. If you want to do more, that's fine, but give yourself an easily achieved minimum and permission to stop after achieving the minimum.

4) Each night, write down an easily achieved task list for the next day. Do those things first and, once they are achieved, give yourself permission to goof off for the rest of the day if you want to. That way, anything else you do is gravy and you feel like you were successful. A friend of mine calls this "making the shot."


When you have to make changes, do them in baby steps--"Today, I will spend the 2 minutes needed to straighten up this table. That's the only cleaning-related thing I have to do today."


Based on your later post, it sounds like you've found yourself a niche in the SCA bardic circle and calligraphy groups--hopefully that will help you shake free of these doldrums.

Be well.

Games

[icarusfallen8.livejournal.com]

Hey there one with gameful connections - Any idea if anyone has come up with a triangular Sudoku?

I came up with the concept the other day. It works similar to Sudoku, but with slightly different rules. If you haven't heard of such a thing, any chance you could suggest what I should do with it?