Ghosts of Raisin Cakes Past
Aug. 19th, 2009 10:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
slipjig3I know that a good deal of my postitude in this journal as of late revolves around my daily run-ins with wallpaper-licking split-level-headed complimentary-fruit-basket Nut Bar Callers at work. (My very first call today, for instance, consisted of me saying, "Can I help you?" and an old lady grumbling, "Oh, shut the hell up!" before slamming the phone down. It's a good thing I don't believe in dark portents.) But lest you think this is only a recent phenomenon, I've dug from my archives a stack of old pieces of official office scratch paper, on which I wrote down many of the more eeeenteresting calls I received during my first year or two on the job. Here's a small sampling; please keep in mind that these are word-for-word transcipts of entire conversations, omitting only my opening offer of assistance:
1) "Water underground, on the body, that's what you need—water on the body, water underground, on the body. That's it." *click* [12/5/98, 8:00 p.m.]
2) "You're a goy...um...you're...a...you're a goy." *click* [12/8/98, time n/a]
3) "Operator, there's no such thing as nobody. Nobody simply doesn't exist." *click* [12/26/98, 6:55 p.m.]
4) "Yes, I hear the bells. Janet." *click* [12/28/98, 11:11 p.m.]
5) "Talking Stacy Victorian velvet." *click* [2/6/99, 4:31 a.m.]
6) [sobbing] "I don't know how I'm going to get to Washington, I have to crawl, this is America! *click* [4/1/99, 3:47 p.m.]
7) "Have time for a little cee-gar—it's a thief in the night." *click* [4/25/99, 6:15 p.m.]
8) "The UFO bunch, once in a while, they show me this brilliant light." *click* [5/7/99, 2:45 p.m.]
9) "Hello, Operator? I'm not going to bomb the whole world, and that's the truth. And goodbye." *click* [6/1/99, 7:47 p.m.]
10) "Sit back and relax—you're watching TV Land." *click* [7/3/99, 8:30 a.m.]
11) "I would venture to say, in my experience, that all AMA nurses, especially social nurses, psychiatric nurses, like my father, they are all whores. They operate under a system of whoredom in their heads. *click* 97/5/99, 4:39 p.m.]
12) "Operator, this is to let you know that it's [sic] terribly worried. About what, I don't know." *click* [7/30/99, 3:36 p.m.]
This, good gentlefolk, is my job. It's also only a small sampling from the stack; I've completely omitted items that can be identified as being from Rosemary DeMicco, SuperDetective, who deserves an entry all her own (although I suspect #5 might be one of her less coherent contributions). The beat, as the kids say, goes on.
1) "Water underground, on the body, that's what you need—water on the body, water underground, on the body. That's it." *click* [12/5/98, 8:00 p.m.]
2) "You're a goy...um...you're...a...you're a goy." *click* [12/8/98, time n/a]
3) "Operator, there's no such thing as nobody. Nobody simply doesn't exist." *click* [12/26/98, 6:55 p.m.]
4) "Yes, I hear the bells. Janet." *click* [12/28/98, 11:11 p.m.]
5) "Talking Stacy Victorian velvet." *click* [2/6/99, 4:31 a.m.]
6) [sobbing] "I don't know how I'm going to get to Washington, I have to crawl, this is America! *click* [4/1/99, 3:47 p.m.]
7) "Have time for a little cee-gar—it's a thief in the night." *click* [4/25/99, 6:15 p.m.]
8) "The UFO bunch, once in a while, they show me this brilliant light." *click* [5/7/99, 2:45 p.m.]
9) "Hello, Operator? I'm not going to bomb the whole world, and that's the truth. And goodbye." *click* [6/1/99, 7:47 p.m.]
10) "Sit back and relax—you're watching TV Land." *click* [7/3/99, 8:30 a.m.]
11) "I would venture to say, in my experience, that all AMA nurses, especially social nurses, psychiatric nurses, like my father, they are all whores. They operate under a system of whoredom in their heads. *click* 97/5/99, 4:39 p.m.]
12) "Operator, this is to let you know that it's [sic] terribly worried. About what, I don't know." *click* [7/30/99, 3:36 p.m.]
This, good gentlefolk, is my job. It's also only a small sampling from the stack; I've completely omitted items that can be identified as being from Rosemary DeMicco, SuperDetective, who deserves an entry all her own (although I suspect #5 might be one of her less coherent contributions). The beat, as the kids say, goes on.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-08-20 02:17 pm (UTC)And I have to wonder if prank-calling the operator was more (or less?) prevalent in pre-internet days....