Just hear those sleigh bells @&$%ing, ringing and jing ting @&$%ing tingaling too

[slipjig3]

First of all, let me state that yes, I do honestly and truly loathe 99% of all Christmas music with every filament of my mortal being. Sue me. No, it's not because of any lack of Christmas spirit or any impairment of my soul, but—and understand this is my own humble opinion—because it all sucks So. Very. Hard. (And not in a good way.) It all comes off as painfully mediocre: the classics are treated with unearned reverence, the new songs are schmaltzy and substandard, and everything is slathered with string sections the size of the Swedish navy and those #%@$ing jingle bells that are meant to fill us with memories of those horse-drawn sleigh rides that ALMOST NO ONE HAS EVER ACTUALLY DONE. And to make things so ever much more lovely, instead of listening to these songs for a few days or a week before the Big Day, we're subjected to it a month in advance, sometimes to the exclusion of all the music that doesn't inspire homicidal ranting.

That said, however, I must confess that there are a few seasonal tunes that fail to make me twitch and foam at the mouth. So in the interest of fairness, allow me to present a not-quite-exhaustive, but perhaps representative, list of Christmas Songs That I Don't Hate:


1) "Fairytale of New York," The Pogues w/ Kirtsy MacColl
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But of course. Yes, there's the appeal of subversion that only lines like "It was Christmas Eve, babe, in the drunk tank" and "Happy Christmas, yer arse, I pray God it's our last" can provide, but not only does it hang together beautifully on its own merits, it somehow manages to be tender and sentimental almost in spite of itself. The fact that it has become a modern classic is reason enough to keep hope for the human race.

2) "A Christmas Song," Jethro Tull
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I admit that this one's on here largely because I'm a fan of Jethro Tull; it's not my favorite song of theirs, but it wins points simply by merit of being a Tull song. But it does have its own graces, the biggest one being how it manages to sound "Christmasy" without the usual trappings: a small string section instead of the Brobdingnagian Orchestra and mandolin instead of the frelling jingle bells. Add a timely message that's something more than just "Merry Christmas!" and you have what the other Christmas songs would like to be, and aren't.

3) "I Believe in Father Christmas," Greg Lake
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This is odd: I hate Christmas music, and I think Emerson, Lake and Palmer is/are pretentious as hell, but I adore this. Musically, Lake got it dead-bang perfect; it's the rare song that merits the traditional holiday sort of arrangement, and bites back. It's also perhaps the most sincere song on this list, and so much like so many people I know: questioning, sad, even cynical in places, but mirabile dictu, still hopeful.

4) "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen / We Three Kings," Barenaked Ladies w/ Sarah MacLachlan
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The problem with covering one of the classic carols is that too many people forget that in the end, they're just songs, and either take them wayyyy too seriously or go all punk-iconoclastic on the things and set to destroy them. One of the reasons I love Barenaked Ladies is that they're not afraid to put their own stamp on everything they touch. Here's a word you seldom hear with dealing with carols: fun.

5) "A-Soalin'," Peter Paul and Mary
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I grew up on Peter Paul and Mary, and on this song. I remember hearing "A-Soalin'" back when I was six. It was the first song I ever learned on guitar that wasn't just strummed chords, and I played at as part of an oral presentation in high school. Still adore it. Always will.

6) "Pretty Little Dolly," Mona Abboud
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Believe it or not, the novelty Christmas songs tend to irk me as well. I make a few exceptions: Weird Al Yankovic's and Tom Lehrer's contributions, for instance. And "Pretty Little Dolly," which is just as wrong today as it was a half-century ago. So very, very wrong.

7) "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)," John Lennon
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I debate whether or not I like this one every year, and every year it comes on the radio and I turn it up. C'est la vie.

8) "12 Days of Christmas," John Denver and the Muppets
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Shut up. Just shut up.

Comments

[captain18.livejournal.com]

If Larissa hasn't already, may I please introduce you to these albums?

Especially:

• "Carol of the Burgers" (Santastic I)
  
• "Achtung X-Mix" (Santastic II)
  
• "Yuletide Zeppelin" (Santastic III)
  
• "Xmasploitation (Santa's Badass Revenge)" (Santastic IV)
  
• "Rudolph (You Don't Have To Put On The Red Light)" (Santastic V)
  
• "Backdoor Santa Gettin' It On" (A Very Bootie Xmas)
  
• "It's The Little Things" (A Very Bootie Xmas 2)
  
• "Give Da Jew Girl Toys" (Menorah Mashups)