Remind me how this works again

[slipjig3]

I haven't been posting. Not here, not anywhere.

That's not completely true—the Indiegogo campaign for Murder Ballads sent me into huckster mode for two solid months back there—but it's true enough: I haven't been reaching out. I won't go into the usual list of reasons, because they're many and complicated, but I mention it because it has left me in a bind. The bind comes in two parts.

1) I miss people. rain_herself and I have gotten closer than ever in so many ways, but I've lost touch with friends, local and otherwise. I'm not used to that.

2) My connection to people, at least for the last decade-plus, has been largely through social media. I don't think I can do social media any more.

They hurt, these places where the people I've long loved hang around. So often, just a peek at Twitter or Facebook (especially Facebook) is enough to fill me with anger, the horrible kind that doesn't shake off, or sorrow, or hopelessness. They are the single most emotionally damaging thing in my life now, even more than job stress, or fears about the future and money, or even the too-long I-90 commute each weekday. And I'd walk away for good, or at least prune out the parts that are wearing at my brain and soul, but, well, it's where the people I've been closest to are. I don't see them in my daily life, so I have to go find them where they're gathering, in these imaginary buildings.

And these buildings aren't safe.

So how does this work? LJ is marginally safer if only because I've been around long enough to know where the dark basements are and how to reach the nearest exit. That leaves me feeling comfortable enough to ask the question here, but maybe not confident enough to stick around for the answer: how do I ditch this online world? Or if I stay here (where "here" is LJ/FB/Twitter/Tumblr/Ello/the Next Big Thing du jour), how to I keep it from breaking me? How do I find the people again without having to stare down the awfulness day after day? We all used to do that, right?

Comments

[archangelwells.livejournal.com]

Not all of us. For some of us, is always been like this.

As to how - meat space. Phone calls. Possible texting. Emails. Parties? It does mean being less involved, and depending on location can be harder, and depending on people's discussion preferences, you might lose some. But generally speaking, you do that anyway.

I don't know if this is actually helpful, or if you'll even see it. But HUGS!!!

[sionainn.livejournal.com]

I haven't found the answer to that yet. I've culled down my social media to the point where I only see whom I wish to see but am still bound by some faceless algorithm that determines what and how often I see posts from them.

I miss the relative safety of LJ and the actual sense of community we were able to nurture here.

This.

[taura-g.livejournal.com]

I wish more of my friends were still on LJ, where if I have to I can create reading filters as well as friend filters.

Facebook has been really hard for me lately and I've actually stopped "following" a lot of the people who habitually populate my feed with stuff that makes me want to run and hide. I have a much smaller group of "close friends" and my feed is slowly starting to loose a lot of the more disturbing stuff.

I'm still frequently on LJ though I go through ups and downs with posting and/or commenting.

[magid.livejournal.com]

I spend less time on FB than I used to, and either friends aren't posting things I have a problem with, or the FB algorithm doesn't show that stuff to me. I've been trying the experiment of only commenting, not "like"ing, things; I don't know how much of a difference that has made.

I do read LJ, though not as obsessively as I used to (not every day any more), and I've been posting less too, which feels like a loss, though I'm trying to work on that.

Is there any way you can start filtering more? I'm not sure on which axes your difficulties lie, so I don't have more concrete suggestions.

[rubian77.livejournal.com]

Um, I don't know. When you figure it out, let me know, ok?