On life, LiveJournal, and other hallucinations

[slipjig3]

So here's the thing about LJ: it changes things.

I can say without hesitation that LiveJournal has, in a very, very short time, proven to be one of the most corruptive influences I have ever encountered in this scattershot life of mine. Honestly, in corruption and influence, only Lauren and Kristi/Abbey/Nik rank higher, and they did so in the long term. LiveJournal has had me for only 16 months, the first six of which barely registered. And it has changed my life.

I have met dozens upon dozens of people, chatted, laughed, shared, flirted, gossiped, carried on. I have weathered hard times, helped others do the same, been talked through more than one breakdown, developed more crushes than I can even count any more. I have made grand plans, made a fool of myself, found redemption and courage. I have rethought every notion I ever had about friendship, sex, relationships, healing. In the space of only a month or two, I have had sex by phone line and bitstream, nearly had a breakdown over a friend's entry, had that near-breakdown unfold into a series of epiphanies that are still unfolding, and said "I love you" to someone a thousand miles away whom I've never met face-to-face, and meant it.

My whole world has been turned upside down.

And yet, I still wake up in the same house. I still go to the same job. I still don't have many people locally whom I can go to a movie with. I have all you dear, dear friends, but by and large, I've never met you, hugged you, broken bread with you. Most of you I know only through the words on the screen, and the occasional photo.

So I look around me, and I see my computer. I see my unmade bed, the clean laundry I haven't put away, the papers to be filed, the cup I drank my milk from this morning. But I close my eyes, and I can feel the dome of the sky spinning overhead, maelstroms pouring through me, tremors that sometimes threaten to split me in two. And sometimes, I can mesh within and without in my mind. And sometimes, I can't.

It's just a diary, really. That's all. But it changes things. And things aren't even done changing.

Comments

[sibylla.livejournal.com]

I wish I was coherent enough to make the heartfelt and meaningful comment I want to make, but I'm not, damn it. Think of what you'd best like me to reasonably say, and that will be my comment, sweetie. *hug*

[slipjig.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thank you so, so much. Given all you're dealing with right now, your time in writing this means a great deal to me.

[chiara607.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad it has you, though, because otherwise I wouldn't know you, and that would be sad. In the changing, if there's anything I can offer, please let me know. (Sorry I haven't been around much lately; school is kicking my ass. But I am reading.)

[slipjig.livejournal.com]

No need to apologize at all, dear. *hugs* Thank you; I'm happy to be getting to know you, too.

[rafaela.livejournal.com]

I wish I could articulate as well as you the effect you've had on me in the time since we've been reading each other's journals. Take it as a given that it runs deep in me.

[slipjig.livejournal.com]

It runs deep within me, too. You know that. *hugs upon hugs* Knowing you is a blessing, child.

[adamchristopher.livejournal.com]

wow, what a great entry

[slipjig.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[irisira03.livejournal.com]

I think you summed up what everyone else thinks about LiveJournal ... there is a good chance my three best friends from Oswego would not be my friends AT ALL if it weren't for LJ.

[slipjig.livejournal.com]

*grin* I know exactly what you mean; it's good to know that I'm not alone in my experiences. You remind me of something I said to digitalshephed the other day: Weblogs seem to be a popular target for media attacks, from pundits who call them egotistical. They're under the impression that it's a solitary exercise, and not a social one. In short they don't get it. It's a good thing that we do. *hugs* Thank you.

[irisira03.livejournal.com]

I think it is both, in a way - it is a great outlet - so therapudic.

However, I think people start out with it that way, and then they find people who share their interests that you'd never think possible. You can get anything from career advice to what kind of digital camera to buy.

And don't even get me started on regional communities! Those are fantastic.

No thanks needed, but hugs are always nice. :-)

[sevanetta.livejournal.com]

Yay! Hurrah for LJ!!! I will have had my LJ for a year in a couple of days. I only discovered communities a few months ago. I never would have thought I'd find people who were at least as obsessed with, for example, spelling, grammar and literature as I am ANYWHERE. Yet, they're all here on LJ, distracting me from my thesis every day.

Let me just say again: Yay! Hurrah!