I am clearly going straight to hell

Thing is, it wasn't one of the stupid / belligerent / abusive / bat-whack customers. No, no, he was a very nice older gentleman with some sincere questions about his service. He had just signed up with our company, you see, and he wasn't clear on the features available to him.

The problem is, he very courteously said, "I have the new Reach Around America plan."

To my credit, I managed to hold out until after I had safely dispatched the nice man to the Business Office. Then I unplugged my headset and fell out of my chair laughing. (I'm wondering what "Reach Around America" says about the quality of our service, to tell you the truth.)